I Feel (Un)Pretty

Since Tyson learned that hitting the round red button records his favorite shows, my DVR has been full of Suite Life on Deck,  Supah Ninjas, and  Bakugan Battle Force Umpteen- or whatever it is.  Last month,  I decided it was time to reclaim my box and make space for my favorite shows.  Particularly, Glee.

Yes, yes, I know.  There is something truly unsettling about teens breaking out in song.  I'll be the first to admit that there have been some hit or miss moments with the music.  Um...what were they thinking covering Rebecca Black's tragic auto-tuned wonder,  "Friday"? If you don't know what I'm talking about- conisder yourself lucky. I forgive them because it's entertaining T.V.  Week after week, Glee has delivered some truly hilarious moments.  Sue's epic "O Fortuna" meltdown.  Enough said.  Although the writers of Glee explore topics that have been uncomfortable for me, it's been good because I've learned to attach real people to some of my prejudices.   Usually, I come to an episode of Glee wondering what hilarity will ensue and what's the next twist in my favorite story line (Yay, Finchel! ).

I came to the episode,"Born This Way" with the same expectations, but was pleasantly surprised. God used  Rachel and Quinn's insecurities to begin a conversation with me that was long overdue.  This video below is of a mash-up featured on the show called, "I Feel Pretty/ Unpretty".   It's a montage of pictures of the actresses, since the actual footage is copyrighted, but you can view the whole episode on Hulu.

Do you need a minute to grab a tissue?  Sure, go ahead.  Welcome back!

When the first song in this mash-up, "Unpretty" came out, I was a socially awkward teen who hit the jackpot- I made my high school's drill team.  After years of trying and being told that I couldn't do it, I was now a part of an elite group.  We were graceful, we had our pick of the boys, we wore super cute uniforms with cowboy boots and a sassy hat, we could do both splits, we were high school beauties.  We were even better than the cheerleaders!  We were the TCHS Stingarettes.  So, why when I heard this song at 17 supposedly at the top of my game, sitting prettily at the top of the social ladder, did I feel completely, totally, unequivocally, unpretty?

Today's Media Monday will actually begin a four part series on beauty.  It's been on my mind a lot lately. The same insecurities that tormented the 17-year-old Osheta, wreak havoc on me now.  It's spring and as the weather warms and the hems inch higher and higher, I'm reminded of my Wright family curse of childbearing hips supported by sturdy thighs.  The junk in my trunk that have assisted in keeping me warm during the frigid New England winter doesn't look too cute in last summer's shorts.  The heat causes my acne to flare up and now I have to pay attention to my ugly feet.   I used to pride myself in them when I danced.  People "oohed" and "ahhed" when I would flippantly say, "oh I just came from dance class- that's my major you know... dance" then when I threw out the magic word, "ballet" and suddenly, my ugly feet became a source of distinction. Even though people forgave (and frankly didn't care about) my feet, I still hated them.

So, up came the defense mechanisms.   'Oh, I just have dancer's feet' was one my comforting mantras to ward off the wave of insecurity and self-loathing I almost always felt when I took a good look in the mirror.  Comforting mantras.  The things I would tell myself to make me feel pretty, when I so clearly did not think I was pretty.   When words failed me, I would buy clothes, study style magazines, or get a new haircut to give myself a pretty boost.  This past May, I did just that and instead of letting me to rely on a quick fix, God allowed me to get an astoundingly hideous hair cut that forced me to face my insecurities and bring them to him.  My quick fix and my comforting mantra to make me feel pretty fell short.  Having been throughly ripped from my beauty blankie, I wonder, what are quick fixes and comforting things you tell yourself to make you feel pretty?

This is the question this song asks us to consider and the beginning of our series entitled, "Shear Reflections: What One Horrible Haircut Taught Me About God." The series will begin tomorrow with  a sordid story of a well-intentioned hairdresser and thinning shear violations.  For the rest of the month I'll discuss the lessons I learned in the aftermath in four parts:

Part One: Embrace The Truth
Part Two: Embrace The Funny
Part Three: Embrace The Stereotyped
Part Four: Embrace the Beauty

So this week's Media Monday is more the beginning of a conversation on  God's truth about our appearance.  This song is a great starting place for that discussion.  Comments are so welcomed and will make this series come alive.  I'll have a media resource as well as a book or Scripture for deeper study to recommend with every part of the series.   So this month, let's talk.  Let's talk about physical beauty.  Let's talk about our influences. Let's talk about our responses to those influences. Then,  let's talk about a God who believes "pretty" is a gross understatement for us.  To him we are beautiful.


I feel pretty.... excited,

She Laughs at the Days to Come

Bossypants

Tina Fey at work

***Welcome to the first Media Monday submission of my new blog!  Once a week, I'll share with you some form of media that impressed me and revealed something true of God or his Word to me.  It might be a song, a movie, a T.V. , or a book.  Sometimes the subject of discussion will compliment the current week's theme, sometimes it may be something as random as a commercial. The key is, it won't always be "Christian".   Having been a Christian for a while, but not really mastering the balance of "in the world but not of the world", I attended a liberal arts Christian college in Springfield, MO called, Evangel University.  There I learned the basics of the Christian faith.  I learned what I believed and more importantly, I determined why I believe it.  One of the most profound truths I learned came from a radical teacher who was known for sharing explicit, intimate details of her happy fun times with her husband– who was also a professor – during a chapel message on marital intimacy.  Professor Edwards taught me that all truth is God's truth- no matter where we find it.  Like Paul walking the streets of Athens, studying the idols and discerning the Athenians approach to faith, then using the words of a famous poet of the time to identify Jehovah as the true God – the one they have been waiting for, we should be looking in our culture for ways to effectively communicate to the world who Jesus is.  That is the purpose of Media Monday.  I'll share with you where I've noticed truth in the world.  Too many times, we Christians get pegged as closed-minded and out-of-touch.  My hope through these weekly entries is to give you some frame of reference for what the people in your community are reading, watching,  or listening to and use it to point them to God.  This will usually be up by Monday lunchtime, but the holiday put me behind- sorry babes!***

This first entry comes from a book I loved so much I read it twice since it came out on April 5th.


Enjoy my friends, an excerpt from Bossypants by Tina Fey:

A Mother's Prayer for It's Daughter

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither the Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, dammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers and the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

She Laughs at the Days to Come

"...she can laugh at the days to come." Proverbs 31:25

When I read this, I was actually listening while doing the laundry.  I think I played it three times just to relish in every joke and innuendo.  Regardless of what you think about her politics, you have to admit, the woman is a comic genius.  She's the youngest person to receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor and this little prayer is an example why.  

I'm struck by her willingness to make fun of the trials of motherhood from the host of fears we carry for our children, to the concerns about their future happiness, to the worries we have about parenting them well, all the way to our compassion for them when they suffer.  Tina Fey has found a way to laugh at her circumstance giving her joy in the moment and hope for the future.  I learned how to do this from a very unlikely person.  The Proverbs 31 woman.  Yes, the woman of noble character whose resume has struck fear in the heart of many-a Christian woman.

On our honeymoon, my husband and I elected to take a cruise. As part of my self-imposed pre/post-marital prep I chose to do a devotional on the Proverbs 31 woman. A word of advice from a burnt woman: if you decide to study this overachiever with a distaff and a spindle- do it with friends so that they can bring perspective to this passage.  Do not do it say, at 5am, coming off a bridezilla high, on the deck of a boat, after driving 12 hours to catch said boat then nursing a nauseous husband back to health, and coming to terms with  "till death do us part".  To say I was not in a good place, would be an understatement.  I cracked open the devotional book with my bible, turned to the highlighted, but never really applied section, and read about a chick so industrious she would make Martha Stewart cry tears of shame... or joy.  After every line, the weight of what it meant to be the "perfect" Christian woman grew heavy and uncomfortable like your favorite hand-wash only sweater that accidentally gets thrown into the wash. It comes out itchy, tight, and irrevocably altered.  What was meant to comfort you and protect you from the cold,  constricts and annoys you.  That's how I felt about the Proverbs 31 woman- the girl annoyed me.  I wanted to tell her where to shove that spindle... and distaff.  

I was about to throw my bible and curl up into the fetal position, until I read the verse above... she laughs at the days to come.  Why laugh? I was intrigued.  Why not scowl?  Why not meditate or consider?  Why not Google search?  Why would God describe the woman of noble character as someone who laughs?  

Because "a cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones".   Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously.  I know I do.  I look at the three children God has given me, the gifts that are entrusted to me to do something great for him, I think about the people in my sphere of influence, or the ministry ideas I have, and I'm tempted to scowl at the impossibility of it all.  I'm tempted to consider multiple plans to put on a wicked awesome women's event.  I'm SO tempted to set the internet ablaze with my impressive Googling skills, quickly typing, "Happiest Kid on the Block", "How to Win Friends and Influence People",  or "how to make your kids stop tormenting each other" (seriously if you find a website on that... shoot me the link. Seriously.  I'll love you forever).   I fret, plan, and worry because I think I need to do it all... and do it well. But, the ideal woman laughs.  So what does her laughter mean?

Her laughter means she's not willing to allow future uncertainty to steal her present peace or joy.  I like how John Wesley's Commentary puts it, " She lives in constant tranquillity of mind, from a just confidence in God's gracious providence". This woman has to ability to laugh at the uncertainty of the future because of her confidence in God's gracious providence.  He is a good provider.  He will provide  opportunities to use my gifts, he will give me ideas to connect the women at my church that's meaningful to them, he will provide our needs, both financially and spiritually, and he will give me direction to make my kids the happiest on the block... because they have a happy mom... not because she is an extensive Googler.

So what future uncertainty is stealing your present joy?  Is it a job, a relationship, a passion, a child, a ministry?  I encourage you to turn that thing over to God and trust in his goodness.  Jesus taught that God is a good father who delights in providing for us.  " Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26  

Next, fill your life with laughter.  I'll try my best here, but grab this, and get your daily dose of humor.  I've found the more I've made laughter and humor a priority in my life,  I've been able to find the humor in my daily interactions with the kids, resulting in me enjoying my life as a mother and having a more optimistic outlook on my future.  I'm able to laugh at tomorrow because I'm will to laugh today. Moments of laughter, like a threat that didn't come out just right, a well timed fart, or my favorite the knock-knock joke told by a child that doesn't quite get the concept of a punch line, have all added joy and laughter to what would be drudgery and fear-laden.  

I've made my peace with the Proverbs 31 woman.  She doesn't have to hide the spindle and distaff when I visit her in the pages of my bible.  I've come to respect her because we have something in common- our love for our family, for our God, and a healthy sense of humor.

Laughing at the laundry I need to do tonight,

Breaking the Ice

I was crying when it happened.  Laying prostrate on the floor in my living room letting tears soak my hair and the dust bunnies I missed under the couch, I wept for the first time since we evacuated New Orleans.  Oh sure, I've cried many times in the two years since we moved to Cambridge.  Cue the violins, send in the dog, make the toddler say something cute and I'm a mess with a Kleenex.  I'm just that sensitive.  But, this was the first time I've sobbed from a deep, broken, confused place because  I was lonely and I felt it.  My best friend who I prayed for for years moved from a short five minute drive to forty-five seemingly endless minutes away.  The women at my church were spread out geographically and in life stage and I just couldn't find my niche.  My seminarian husband was lost to me. Boyd, Pinnock, Bonhoeffer, Paul and Jesus commanded his attention.  My children, ages 5, 2, and 1 weren't any help.  Unless you consider their demands for justice and juice as great conversation- which I did not.  No, I was lonely in a cold city, with no family, and I blamed God for it.

"Why did you give me a friend only to take her away? " I moaned in between sobs.
"Why did you move us here" I complained.
"I'm just so lonely" I whispered.

Then the room went still.  The gears in my head began to creak back to life.  In moments they were whirring and sparks flew.  I had an idea to cure my loneliness!  More accurately, God gave me an idea.  I know it was Him because the idea was too bold, too crazy to be all mine and the voices in my head aren't that creative.  I began to see candles, decorations, and chairs arranged in a circle. I heard soft music– probably Christy Nockels–, women laughing, and my voice encouraging them from the Bible.  The interesting combination of Lady Just From the Gym, with a floral Bath and Body Works number, combined with the top note of Thierry Mugler's popular perfume, Angel and played under my nose.  I saw women gathering, eating ice cream (or chocolate– you know, they are interchangeable), while building deeper friendships and feeling loved.  In my messy living-room, on a cold spring day, I saw a women's ministry and more importantly I saw women just like me finding a safe place to be herself.

In my days as a women's ministry newbie I scoured the internet for secrets and tips to successfully gather women.  Sweets? Check! Laughter? Check! Relevant topics or Chick Flicks? Check! Fun games and icebreakers?  Wha-Huh?!?!?

The first time I read the word "ice breaker" my mind filled with images.  Dark, scary images.  I saw women in coo-lot pants with fanny packs in various hot colors.  Hot pink, hot green, hot green and purple stripes... you get the picture.  These sweet, but clueless women were headed up by me rocking a super stylish multi-colored fanny pack of hot pink and turquoise (that's right- be jealous). I'm lined up with the women in a gauntlet with our arms out front.  On the stage, stands a poor lone soul with her back to us. This dear girl, let's call her Lucy, pulls her trembling arms up across her chest.  She clears her throat and tentatively calls out, " Sisters, I'm ready to trust you."

Then we all say in a creepy monotone, "Trust in Lord, Sister"

ominous pause 

"...and also in us."

I shook my head of the disturbing vision, not waiting to see Lucy's fate with the fanny pack brigade.

I had to get two women's events (none of which had a trust fall) under my belt before my prejudices  against ice breaker were disarmed.  I realized that ice breakers are more than gouda cheesy games and antics.  They are a vehicle to move the lonely woman into a loving community.

I had a similar misgiving about blogs and bloggers until my husband began having meaningful dialogs and building affirming friendships with his followers.  A beautiful community followed to his blog to talk about life and share perspectives.  A blog became a vehicle to gather people and gathering people...is what I do.

This is my opus.  My writings about my family- who have been known to wear happy meal boxes as hats, my faith in a God who has loved me when I was my most unloveable, and everything fun and funny about my life.  An opus is considered to be a great or large scale literary work and I could call the young adult novel kicking around my head my opus.  Were-Vampire bat who falls in love with an average brunette teen, anyone?  Just kidding.  But honestly, I have a chance to gather amazing women together and gab about my life?  I can't think of a more opus-worthy medium.

So, welcome to my blog!  Please comment below to let me know you're here.  You are a vital part of this community-heck-you are this community! Check back often or better yet, enter your email in the field on the lower left and you'll get my posts delivered to your inbox.  Every Monday will be Media Monday.  I'll review a movie, T.V. show episode, song, or commercial and discuss it through the lens of my faith because I believe it's vital for Christians to be relevant.

Throughout the week I'll write- probably two or three times, especially if my kids are being feisty.  There will be series, funnies, and just plain musings.  Find me on Twitter or friend me on Facebook- just identify yourself as a blog follower.  So, I'm happy you've stayed with me this far- by sheer force of will and turning a blind eye to my kid's popsicle thievery have I gotten this post finish.  But, I'm off to be a mommy.  Check back here or check your inbox for our first Media Monday.  It's gonna be awesome!


No longer afraid of icebreakers, but deathly afraid of fanny packs,